So, due to the stupid retinal detachment in my right eye, I have been thinking a lot about sight/vision. I didn't realize how much I depend on my eyes for daily life ... I have all this spare time on my hands because I'm not working, but I can't even read. Dumb. As I type right now, I am having to focus really hard to make sure that I am not misspelling every other word. Sorry if I am :)
The most frustrating part is my total lack of depth perception ... with only one good eye, its been hard to even pick up my coffee without spilling it. And that made me think about something that one my favorite professors insightfully noted about Sauron's manifestation as a single eye in "The Lord of the Rings"(ya, I'm a dork) -- because Sauron was a single eye, he couldn't percieve the depth of what Frodo and the fellowship were trying to do in destroying the ring. It seems to me that, in the same way, Satan lacks the depth perception that would be necessary to truly thwart good. For example, he totally missed what Christ would accomplish on the cross ... when it seemed like a victory for evil on the surface, it was actually the greatest victory for good. Just a thought.
And, as any good teacher would do, my professor recycled that lesson in an essay he wrote entitled "The Triumph of the Eye", where he lays to waste our cultural preference for that which can be seen with the eye. He starts the essay with a reference to Screwtape letters, where the demons are discussing the way in which they have made the role of the eye more and more important, while making its demands all the more impossible to meet. Specifically, they are talking about women and the cultural importance of our appearance, including the increasingly impossble standard of beauty. The question that introduces the essay is "how can we reshape imagination to prefer spiritual vision to mere sight?" -- this seems to be a pretty imporant question that rarely gets asked so directly. It is increasingly becoming my prayer that I would have real depth of wisdom and vision, and that the tyrrany of the visual would dissapte. Dr. Wood decides that once we can look through the eye instead of with the eye, we will truly behold femine beauty. He says "it is a beauty of found in the voice of wisdom and companionship rather than the shape of the hourglass. It is an autumnal beauty often located in young women imbued with moral seriousness ... it is creased with both love and sorrow." How beautiful is that image? The phrase "autumnal beauty" has haunted me since I read this essay a month ago ... I ache to be beautiful in that way, and to see it rightly in other people!
And I think the importance of depth of vision goes far beyond the issue of feminine beauty ... so I am going to have to keep unpacking it. That is all the mental ramblings I have for now :)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
A Song for this Season
"October told me a story
But I think it's too boring
to tell you my friends.
I'll sing it to empty chairs
maybe the sky up above
will pretend to act interested...
Interested.
I'm so tired of my whole thought process
I need more wins, less losses
Set to finding love.
This giant stop watching is ticking
And I'm just not moving
fast enough.
Well la da da, la da da
I'll fall into the sweetest melody
I can think of
And the rest will just come naturally.
Oh it'll just come naturally.
Maybe when I'm twenty-six
I'll look back on all of this
And say 'I'm glad it didn't work out'
But I just wish something would
I wish my soul understood
All that paths that I'm taking right now ...
right now.
Well la da da, la da da
I'll fall into the sweetest melody
I can think of
And the rest will just come naturally.
Oh it'll just come naturally.
I should be more careful with my heart
It's not mine to offer up.
I should be more careful with my heart
It's not mine to offer up.
La da da da da da
La da da da da da
La da da
Well la da da, la da da
I'll fall into the sweetest melody
I can think of
And the rest will just come naturally.
Oh it'll just come naturally."
- Jillian Edwards
The first part, about October being boring, isn't true. But the rest is.
And you can hear her sing it at:
http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=005d75176505761c2cb5
But I think it's too boring
to tell you my friends.
I'll sing it to empty chairs
maybe the sky up above
will pretend to act interested...
Interested.
I'm so tired of my whole thought process
I need more wins, less losses
Set to finding love.
This giant stop watching is ticking
And I'm just not moving
fast enough.
Well la da da, la da da
I'll fall into the sweetest melody
I can think of
And the rest will just come naturally.
Oh it'll just come naturally.
Maybe when I'm twenty-six
I'll look back on all of this
And say 'I'm glad it didn't work out'
But I just wish something would
I wish my soul understood
All that paths that I'm taking right now ...
right now.
Well la da da, la da da
I'll fall into the sweetest melody
I can think of
And the rest will just come naturally.
Oh it'll just come naturally.
I should be more careful with my heart
It's not mine to offer up.
I should be more careful with my heart
It's not mine to offer up.
La da da da da da
La da da da da da
La da da
Well la da da, la da da
I'll fall into the sweetest melody
I can think of
And the rest will just come naturally.
Oh it'll just come naturally."
- Jillian Edwards
The first part, about October being boring, isn't true. But the rest is.
And you can hear her sing it at:
http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=005d75176505761c2cb5
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
October
I don't think I have ever enjoyed the fall as much as I have in the past few weeks. The trees are ... jubilant. That's the best word I can find for it. Everywhere I turn there is foliage that is visually singing a whispery, autumnal song. I have been blessed by the gentle breeze, the rain and the moderate temperatures that seem to characterize a Georgia fall. Love it!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Dancing with Piper's Thought
I feel like every time I encounter John Piper's thoughts in reading or video or podcast, I end up either enamored or frustrated. I just need to vent all those thoughts a little bit ... and the beautiful thing about my blog is that you can stop reading whenever you are sick of my ranting :)
So I have had four memorable encounters with Piper:
1) During one of the bible studies for my sorority, we listened to a Piper podcast. Imagine 10 stressed out sorority girls cramped in an apartment living room listening to Piper in our sweatpants. Not super conducive to good learning. But I remember totally disliking him ... I couldn't even tell you what we listened to, but I vividly remember the bad taste he left in my mouth. He laid to waste the whole of existential thought for a reason that was beyond my comprehension ... which wasn't nearly as disconcerting to my sorority sisters as it was to me. That was encounter #1.
2) I wrote a thesis in order to graduate as a University Scholars major entitled "An Impoverished Theology: Christian Concern for the Poor in Twentieth Century America." It was an academic disaster ... please don't ever ask me to read it. But it was a good learning experience. All that to say, I encountered John Piper in the writing process because of his doctrine of 'Christian Hedonism.' My first problem with this ... I am not convinced that it is a good idea to try and baptize words like hedonism. Hedonism is sinful ... we don't try and and take words like murder or witchcraft and wrap them up in scripture and theology to make them something other than they are. Hedonism is necessarily self-centered, and to throw this term around affords a misunderstanding that breeds selfishness. Granted, Piper is getting at the idea of God-centeredness ... which is why I think it is dumb that he uses the word hedonism. So I ripped him apart in my thesis.
3) In my exploration of the notion of scriptural authority, Anson showed me a short video of Piper's about the Bible. And it was really good ... it spoke right into my questions about the difficulties that I encounter in scripture.
4) I am currently reading "Don't Waste Your Life" ... and I cannot nail down how I feel about him at all. In just the first couple pages, I found myself relating really deeply to Piper ... his affection for CS Lewis, his taste for soul-food from centuries ago, his experience of having his eyes opened to the wonders around him (I have Tolkien to thank for this is my own life), his 'wandering philosophical imagination,' his dream of becoming a doctor, his feeling of being called to ministry, his frustration with reader-oriented interpretation of scripture (another chapter of my thesis) ... we have so much in common. So I can't hate him. Especially because it is clear how deeply he loves the Lord and the Word.
So here I am ... dancing with Piper's thought. Sometimes it draws me in close, and other times whips me out in a spin that creates a dramatic distance between us. For instance, I am still intellectually fighting against his total distrust of existentialism. Perhaps it is because of my stubborn attachment to Thomas' Aquinas belief in the unity of truth ... meaning that I one should never discount any truth, for all truth comes from God. For example, Nietzsche says some pretty crazy stuff, and he also says some pretty brilliant stuff -- and I should never fear recognizing the truth he brings just because of the whole "god is dead" ditty. Piper is right that to say that Christians should never make existentialism their mantra, for that would imply a total denial of any objective, external, universal truth. But I think the idea that "you are what you worship" (something most Christians rightly buy into) is pretty darn existential. And, as a feminist, I personally have been greatly served by existential thought. And Piper refuses to acknowledge that we can reap any benefits of this philosophical movement. And I think that's dumb.
I haven't even come close to finishing the book yet ... so my ballroom-esque meetings with Piper will continue. Just needed someone to know that I was wrestling with him.
So I have had four memorable encounters with Piper:
1) During one of the bible studies for my sorority, we listened to a Piper podcast. Imagine 10 stressed out sorority girls cramped in an apartment living room listening to Piper in our sweatpants. Not super conducive to good learning. But I remember totally disliking him ... I couldn't even tell you what we listened to, but I vividly remember the bad taste he left in my mouth. He laid to waste the whole of existential thought for a reason that was beyond my comprehension ... which wasn't nearly as disconcerting to my sorority sisters as it was to me. That was encounter #1.
2) I wrote a thesis in order to graduate as a University Scholars major entitled "An Impoverished Theology: Christian Concern for the Poor in Twentieth Century America." It was an academic disaster ... please don't ever ask me to read it. But it was a good learning experience. All that to say, I encountered John Piper in the writing process because of his doctrine of 'Christian Hedonism.' My first problem with this ... I am not convinced that it is a good idea to try and baptize words like hedonism. Hedonism is sinful ... we don't try and and take words like murder or witchcraft and wrap them up in scripture and theology to make them something other than they are. Hedonism is necessarily self-centered, and to throw this term around affords a misunderstanding that breeds selfishness. Granted, Piper is getting at the idea of God-centeredness ... which is why I think it is dumb that he uses the word hedonism. So I ripped him apart in my thesis.
3) In my exploration of the notion of scriptural authority, Anson showed me a short video of Piper's about the Bible. And it was really good ... it spoke right into my questions about the difficulties that I encounter in scripture.
4) I am currently reading "Don't Waste Your Life" ... and I cannot nail down how I feel about him at all. In just the first couple pages, I found myself relating really deeply to Piper ... his affection for CS Lewis, his taste for soul-food from centuries ago, his experience of having his eyes opened to the wonders around him (I have Tolkien to thank for this is my own life), his 'wandering philosophical imagination,' his dream of becoming a doctor, his feeling of being called to ministry, his frustration with reader-oriented interpretation of scripture (another chapter of my thesis) ... we have so much in common. So I can't hate him. Especially because it is clear how deeply he loves the Lord and the Word.
So here I am ... dancing with Piper's thought. Sometimes it draws me in close, and other times whips me out in a spin that creates a dramatic distance between us. For instance, I am still intellectually fighting against his total distrust of existentialism. Perhaps it is because of my stubborn attachment to Thomas' Aquinas belief in the unity of truth ... meaning that I one should never discount any truth, for all truth comes from God. For example, Nietzsche says some pretty crazy stuff, and he also says some pretty brilliant stuff -- and I should never fear recognizing the truth he brings just because of the whole "god is dead" ditty. Piper is right that to say that Christians should never make existentialism their mantra, for that would imply a total denial of any objective, external, universal truth. But I think the idea that "you are what you worship" (something most Christians rightly buy into) is pretty darn existential. And, as a feminist, I personally have been greatly served by existential thought. And Piper refuses to acknowledge that we can reap any benefits of this philosophical movement. And I think that's dumb.
I haven't even come close to finishing the book yet ... so my ballroom-esque meetings with Piper will continue. Just needed someone to know that I was wrestling with him.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Ministry is Complicated
So I learned some unexpected ministry lessons yesterday ... and I am becoming ever-more aware of how vital the Holy Spirit is to life-giving ministry. People and situations are too complicated for formulas or theologies or cookie-cutter responses.
Anson spent some time with me in the morning, relating the craziness of his weekend. He told me that, as a minister, it is not enough to just teach well, to invest in people, to give all of yourself to compassion -- in addition, we are to call sin out when we see it. Nobody talks about that responsibility and being abrasive is not usually a part of the pastoral job description. But Jesus was in the business of calling people out on their crap ... and it usually wasn't doctored up to seem nice. I mean, come on ... "Woe to you, Pharisees"? Not nice. But apparently necessary. As it says in 2 Timothy 2:4, "correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction." So two-thirds of a pastor's job description isn't necessarily super fun. Just something to think about. I want the Lord to show me how to do this rightly ... with great patience and careful instruction.
And then, in the afternoon, Anson sat Paul and I down to tell us about what it looks like to minister to families who have just lost loved ones. That is something that I hope to never do, but seeing as the majority of the population is going to pass away at some point, I assume that this will (in some capacity) be a part of my life. Anson, a man of many words (all of which are wise ... or funny) told us that the best thing to say is nothing. Literally, nothing. He said there are absolutely no words that are appropriate, and that you are just going to do damage if you try to use words. He said that you love them by being there. Something to dwell on.
Anson spent some time with me in the morning, relating the craziness of his weekend. He told me that, as a minister, it is not enough to just teach well, to invest in people, to give all of yourself to compassion -- in addition, we are to call sin out when we see it. Nobody talks about that responsibility and being abrasive is not usually a part of the pastoral job description. But Jesus was in the business of calling people out on their crap ... and it usually wasn't doctored up to seem nice. I mean, come on ... "Woe to you, Pharisees"? Not nice. But apparently necessary. As it says in 2 Timothy 2:4, "correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction." So two-thirds of a pastor's job description isn't necessarily super fun. Just something to think about. I want the Lord to show me how to do this rightly ... with great patience and careful instruction.
And then, in the afternoon, Anson sat Paul and I down to tell us about what it looks like to minister to families who have just lost loved ones. That is something that I hope to never do, but seeing as the majority of the population is going to pass away at some point, I assume that this will (in some capacity) be a part of my life. Anson, a man of many words (all of which are wise ... or funny) told us that the best thing to say is nothing. Literally, nothing. He said there are absolutely no words that are appropriate, and that you are just going to do damage if you try to use words. He said that you love them by being there. Something to dwell on.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Compassion in Action
Well, today was the first big service project for the high school ministry ... yay! Well, I guess technically it was yesterday (since it's past midnight). But that is besides the point. I pretty much spent a lot of time trying to get students psyched and signed up, and then spent a TON of time coordinating permission forms and vans and t-shirts and phone calls and all the other details that go into making a bigger project happen. And I am tired.
I have really mixed feelings about the day. On the one hand, only about half of the signed-up students actually showed up. It was really frustrating that Sandy and I spent so much time scrambling for drivers and vehicles that were totally superfluous. So that is really obnoxious ... especially since the co-op would have been really well served by the money that we spent on those extra rental vans.
But, on the other hand, the students that came were AWESOME! Let's be honest ... students that are willing to be at the church by eight in the morning to serve the Lord together are the bomb. They had such willing hearts and attitudes, and they collected A TON of food! And they really understood the connection between the canned goods and local needy families without me having to force some contrived reflection exercise on them.
And I was EXTREMELY blessed by all the people who caught my vision for the day, helped me to make it all happen, and then loved me through the low points. The adult volunteers for the high school ministry never cease to amaze me with their willingness to give freely of their time and effort and love. And there were several drivers/shuttlers today who aren't even regularly involved in the high school ministry, but they stepped up when there was a need. I love watching the way that they body of Christ works!
Despite all the details that drove me crazy, I think the three big goals were met: (1) we glorified the Lord and (2) we wet the appetites of the students for serving and (3) we send a LOT of food to the Co-op. Praise Him!
I have really mixed feelings about the day. On the one hand, only about half of the signed-up students actually showed up. It was really frustrating that Sandy and I spent so much time scrambling for drivers and vehicles that were totally superfluous. So that is really obnoxious ... especially since the co-op would have been really well served by the money that we spent on those extra rental vans.
But, on the other hand, the students that came were AWESOME! Let's be honest ... students that are willing to be at the church by eight in the morning to serve the Lord together are the bomb. They had such willing hearts and attitudes, and they collected A TON of food! And they really understood the connection between the canned goods and local needy families without me having to force some contrived reflection exercise on them.
And I was EXTREMELY blessed by all the people who caught my vision for the day, helped me to make it all happen, and then loved me through the low points. The adult volunteers for the high school ministry never cease to amaze me with their willingness to give freely of their time and effort and love. And there were several drivers/shuttlers today who aren't even regularly involved in the high school ministry, but they stepped up when there was a need. I love watching the way that they body of Christ works!
Despite all the details that drove me crazy, I think the three big goals were met: (1) we glorified the Lord and (2) we wet the appetites of the students for serving and (3) we send a LOT of food to the Co-op. Praise Him!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Budget
So I just created my first real budget. I am such an adult right now :)
I have never even come close to fiscal responsibility, but I am being really convicted of the ways that I spend my money. And the ways that I often spend beyond my means. So I sat down, created a table and allocated every dollar that I am going to make in the month of October. I am going to need all kinds of Holy Spirit in my life if I am going to have the fruit of self-control.
I have never even come close to fiscal responsibility, but I am being really convicted of the ways that I spend my money. And the ways that I often spend beyond my means. So I sat down, created a table and allocated every dollar that I am going to make in the month of October. I am going to need all kinds of Holy Spirit in my life if I am going to have the fruit of self-control.
Monday, September 21, 2009
I love my life.
Sorry its been a little bit since my last blog post ... I have had a whirlwind couple of weeks! Here is a quick update:
- Turns out I have Type 1 diabetes. Lame. But God has been so good to bring people into my life that care about me and are helping me to adjust my lifestyle and all that jazz. Just keep me in your prayers as I learn about how to take care of myself.
- We have 70 students signed up for Compassion in Action! We are taking all those kids out into the neighborhood on Oct. 3rd to collect food for the Lawrenceville Co-op ... which is awesome! That is phenomenal turn out for a new event, so pray that God continues to place his favor on us as we nail down the details and the vision for all of that.
- Two weeks ago I went to Destin, FL with all the other interns and two 12Stone pastors for a weekend of learning about ministry and getting to know one another ... it was awesome! The Lord spoke a powerful word to me about His kindness and the truth that all my actions should be a response to that kindness.
- I went this past weekend to Blueridge, GA for the high school volunteer retreat and loved every minute of it! The high school ministry here has been blessed with amazing volunteers that love the Lord and love students in a powerful way! I got to: spend time getting to know them, eat a lot of phenomenal food, and lay in a hammock by a lake. I was reminded again of the importance of grounding myself in Jesus Christ alone (and not in theology or ministry or my own abilities) and I am excited to see what it will look like for Him to bring me into a fresh season of intimacy!
- I am working on forming a Compassion Leadership team, and I am pretty pumped about it. With the help of two phenomenal volunteers, I am going to create a curriculum based on principle and experience to raise up servant leaders!
- I just started my job at Barnes and Noble (praise the Lord), and I am really excited about getting to be around books and non-12Stone people (I love 12stone, but I want to know some people who don't go here).
- I live with three extremely wonderful girls. You probably already knew that, but I love it!
- I am learning what platform leadership looks like ... aka, preaching. I am teaching at our high school Bible study and preaching for the other interns as well. This is a little intimidating, but I am so excited to be challenged in ministry!
- I am being poured into from all sides ... everyone I am around is sharing wonderful truth with me!
- I joined a small group with a couple of other girls in their twenties ... and it was so great! There was a depth of discussion that wasn't forced ... the Holy Spirit just opened us up to being vulnerable with each other from the beginning. I am really excited to walk with and learn from these beautiful ladies!
- My life is the bomb. Learn from that.
- Turns out I have Type 1 diabetes. Lame. But God has been so good to bring people into my life that care about me and are helping me to adjust my lifestyle and all that jazz. Just keep me in your prayers as I learn about how to take care of myself.
- We have 70 students signed up for Compassion in Action! We are taking all those kids out into the neighborhood on Oct. 3rd to collect food for the Lawrenceville Co-op ... which is awesome! That is phenomenal turn out for a new event, so pray that God continues to place his favor on us as we nail down the details and the vision for all of that.
- Two weeks ago I went to Destin, FL with all the other interns and two 12Stone pastors for a weekend of learning about ministry and getting to know one another ... it was awesome! The Lord spoke a powerful word to me about His kindness and the truth that all my actions should be a response to that kindness.
- I went this past weekend to Blueridge, GA for the high school volunteer retreat and loved every minute of it! The high school ministry here has been blessed with amazing volunteers that love the Lord and love students in a powerful way! I got to: spend time getting to know them, eat a lot of phenomenal food, and lay in a hammock by a lake. I was reminded again of the importance of grounding myself in Jesus Christ alone (and not in theology or ministry or my own abilities) and I am excited to see what it will look like for Him to bring me into a fresh season of intimacy!
- I am working on forming a Compassion Leadership team, and I am pretty pumped about it. With the help of two phenomenal volunteers, I am going to create a curriculum based on principle and experience to raise up servant leaders!
- I just started my job at Barnes and Noble (praise the Lord), and I am really excited about getting to be around books and non-12Stone people (I love 12stone, but I want to know some people who don't go here).
- I live with three extremely wonderful girls. You probably already knew that, but I love it!
- I am learning what platform leadership looks like ... aka, preaching. I am teaching at our high school Bible study and preaching for the other interns as well. This is a little intimidating, but I am so excited to be challenged in ministry!
- I am being poured into from all sides ... everyone I am around is sharing wonderful truth with me!
- I joined a small group with a couple of other girls in their twenties ... and it was so great! There was a depth of discussion that wasn't forced ... the Holy Spirit just opened us up to being vulnerable with each other from the beginning. I am really excited to walk with and learn from these beautiful ladies!
- My life is the bomb. Learn from that.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Living a Dream I Won't Wake From
I love my life ... a lot. Not to say that it is easy by any means, but it is so good. I am loving my job at 12Stone, even when it involves phone calls and copies. Anson is so wonderful about affirming my dreams and allowing me to take so much ownership of the things that I am doing. It's almost a little bit scary, because he seems to think I am capable of things that I only hope that I can pull off. I am surrounded by a staff that has been so welcoming, and my learning curve is EXTREMELY steep. I am soaking up so much wisdom from everyone I am around ... including the other interns. It is awesome.
I got to see my family this weekend, and it was a reminder of all the ways that God has blessed me with a phenomenal support system. I have so many people who love, support and pray for me ... even if they are far away, I am so blessed by their influence in my life. And He continues to bring people into my life as 'family' ... the Reitsemas, the Varasos, the Dorrells, the Colloms and now the Armitages. I love it. I am a first-hand witness to the beauty of the church ... I am part of an intricate and extensive body that serves Christ in ways that never cease to amaze me.
And I am loved by the God of the universe. How can I not exude joy when I know that I am pursued by the very God who created me? I see my sin, and I see His love -- it doesn't make any sense, but my stains and my stink don't even begin to deter my Beloved. This morning on the way to work I heard one of my favorite songs, 'For My Love.' Bethany Dillon is singing presumably to the man she will marry, but it was about the Lord for me this morning. I am engaged in a dreamlike love that I will never have to wake from. That is sweet.
I got to see my family this weekend, and it was a reminder of all the ways that God has blessed me with a phenomenal support system. I have so many people who love, support and pray for me ... even if they are far away, I am so blessed by their influence in my life. And He continues to bring people into my life as 'family' ... the Reitsemas, the Varasos, the Dorrells, the Colloms and now the Armitages. I love it. I am a first-hand witness to the beauty of the church ... I am part of an intricate and extensive body that serves Christ in ways that never cease to amaze me.
And I am loved by the God of the universe. How can I not exude joy when I know that I am pursued by the very God who created me? I see my sin, and I see His love -- it doesn't make any sense, but my stains and my stink don't even begin to deter my Beloved. This morning on the way to work I heard one of my favorite songs, 'For My Love.' Bethany Dillon is singing presumably to the man she will marry, but it was about the Lord for me this morning. I am engaged in a dreamlike love that I will never have to wake from. That is sweet.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Keep Praying ...
Turns out moving to a new place is really hard. I am trying to figure out my job at church (which is really exciting .... like REALLY exciting) which is still largely unknown, trying to find a part-time job (which is proving to be more difficult than I originally suspected ... cursed University Scholars degree), trying to figure out what it looks like to love/befriend/teach/come alongside the three teenage girls that I live with, and trying to make friends (which is also proving hard).
I know all of those things, especially relationships, take time. and God is continuing to minister to me in wonderful ways. But I am really beginning to ache for (1) friendship ... I didn't realize how wonderful my support system has been in Colorado, Waco and Philly ... and I am craving that quality of community (2) rhythm ... my life is so sporadic, and I am finding it difficult to create discipline, to feel settled and to make commitments.
And my headaches continue to rear their ugly heads (do they have more than one? or just mine?) all the time ... I want to figure out why I'm never functioning at 100% so that I can change things and devote ALL of myself to this ministry.
Needless to say, I am at a point of frustration. BUT .... I am also just beginning to dream about what my role will look like in the high school ministry, and I can't contain my excitement. So things are hard ... but they are good.
I know all of those things, especially relationships, take time. and God is continuing to minister to me in wonderful ways. But I am really beginning to ache for (1) friendship ... I didn't realize how wonderful my support system has been in Colorado, Waco and Philly ... and I am craving that quality of community (2) rhythm ... my life is so sporadic, and I am finding it difficult to create discipline, to feel settled and to make commitments.
And my headaches continue to rear their ugly heads (do they have more than one? or just mine?) all the time ... I want to figure out why I'm never functioning at 100% so that I can change things and devote ALL of myself to this ministry.
Needless to say, I am at a point of frustration. BUT .... I am also just beginning to dream about what my role will look like in the high school ministry, and I can't contain my excitement. So things are hard ... but they are good.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Week #1 in Georgia!
So, turns out I live in Georgia now :)
This has been quite the week for me! I got here last Thursday, and Claire (my adoptive mom of sorts) came to pick me up. I was so nervous on my way here that I couldn't even eat much on Thursday ... which is quite out of character for me! The idea of moving in with people I had never met was incredibly overwhelming, but it has been wonderful so far! Claire and Robert have gone out of their way to make me feel at home ... I have been brought to tears more than once when I dwell on their willingness to share their home and their things with me!
So I moved all my stuff in, and spent my first couple of days here getting settled in my room and learning my way around a little bit. I got to go spend a couple of hours at the church on Saturday praying over my upcoming ministry, and it was a powerful time for me to spend with the Lord.
Sunday morning I was driving to church, and I got stuck in traffic. I thought to myself, "Why on earth would there be traffic on a Sunday morning?" Well, it was 12Stone traffic! From what I hear, there are over 8,000 people involved in 12stone ... that is crazy! It was actually kind of a rough morning for me ... watching the worship leaders stand up their with their designer jeans and fancy lights made me ache to be back at Church Under the Bridge. I went to Panera and then the mecca of shopping ... the mall of georgia. I pretty much lived the suburban dream. It was fun, but also kind of scared me ... how quick I am to forget the things that I am passionate about!
But, the Lord is awesome (as usual) and quickly reminded me of the wonderful ways that he is moving in and through 12Stone. I started my internship Monday morning, and I had a great day! I got to catch up with some pastors that I had met in Philly, and I also met about a billion new people. Everyone was so welcoming and I could see their commitments to the Lord and to ministry. I hit the ground running, because this Wednesday was Pointpalooza (a huge back-to-school, bring-your-friends carnival kind of thing). So spent some quality time helping to get things ready, call students, etc. I also went and got my GA drivers liscense and spent a lot of time filling out/turning in job applications.
Pointpalooza was really fun ... I got to catch up with some of the adult leaders I had met in Philly, which was awesome! There were so many students there ... it was crazy! I am really excited about my ministry here ... God is doing some powerful things in the lives of these students, and I am so honored that I get to be a part of that!
Some other fun parts of my week:
- hanging out with the girls I live with! Emma, Emily and Melanie are all wonderful girls! They are each so different, and I am eager to get to know them and walk alongside them in the coming years!
- going to Waters Edge, the college/young adult ministry at 12stone. Miles (the college pastor and also my internship director) spoke a powerful word and then did open baptisms ... it was so beautiful! No one could contain their joy as we watched so many people take giant leaps of faith. Loved it!
- hanging out with Sammi. enough said :)
- getting coffee with Cami, one of the other interns. God used her to speak into a lot of my frustrations and fears ... she was wonderful.
- being constantly humbled. I am very very quickly realizing that I am not as big of a deal as I think I am, that I don't know everything, and that I have sooooo much to learn!
- so many other things!
Keep me in your prayers ... I want to find just the right part-time job, and I want the Lord to close all doors except the right one! And I am looking to find some friends ... I could use His help on that too :)
This has been quite the week for me! I got here last Thursday, and Claire (my adoptive mom of sorts) came to pick me up. I was so nervous on my way here that I couldn't even eat much on Thursday ... which is quite out of character for me! The idea of moving in with people I had never met was incredibly overwhelming, but it has been wonderful so far! Claire and Robert have gone out of their way to make me feel at home ... I have been brought to tears more than once when I dwell on their willingness to share their home and their things with me!
So I moved all my stuff in, and spent my first couple of days here getting settled in my room and learning my way around a little bit. I got to go spend a couple of hours at the church on Saturday praying over my upcoming ministry, and it was a powerful time for me to spend with the Lord.
Sunday morning I was driving to church, and I got stuck in traffic. I thought to myself, "Why on earth would there be traffic on a Sunday morning?" Well, it was 12Stone traffic! From what I hear, there are over 8,000 people involved in 12stone ... that is crazy! It was actually kind of a rough morning for me ... watching the worship leaders stand up their with their designer jeans and fancy lights made me ache to be back at Church Under the Bridge. I went to Panera and then the mecca of shopping ... the mall of georgia. I pretty much lived the suburban dream. It was fun, but also kind of scared me ... how quick I am to forget the things that I am passionate about!
But, the Lord is awesome (as usual) and quickly reminded me of the wonderful ways that he is moving in and through 12Stone. I started my internship Monday morning, and I had a great day! I got to catch up with some pastors that I had met in Philly, and I also met about a billion new people. Everyone was so welcoming and I could see their commitments to the Lord and to ministry. I hit the ground running, because this Wednesday was Pointpalooza (a huge back-to-school, bring-your-friends carnival kind of thing). So spent some quality time helping to get things ready, call students, etc. I also went and got my GA drivers liscense and spent a lot of time filling out/turning in job applications.
Pointpalooza was really fun ... I got to catch up with some of the adult leaders I had met in Philly, which was awesome! There were so many students there ... it was crazy! I am really excited about my ministry here ... God is doing some powerful things in the lives of these students, and I am so honored that I get to be a part of that!
Some other fun parts of my week:
- hanging out with the girls I live with! Emma, Emily and Melanie are all wonderful girls! They are each so different, and I am eager to get to know them and walk alongside them in the coming years!
- going to Waters Edge, the college/young adult ministry at 12stone. Miles (the college pastor and also my internship director) spoke a powerful word and then did open baptisms ... it was so beautiful! No one could contain their joy as we watched so many people take giant leaps of faith. Loved it!
- hanging out with Sammi. enough said :)
- getting coffee with Cami, one of the other interns. God used her to speak into a lot of my frustrations and fears ... she was wonderful.
- being constantly humbled. I am very very quickly realizing that I am not as big of a deal as I think I am, that I don't know everything, and that I have sooooo much to learn!
- so many other things!
Keep me in your prayers ... I want to find just the right part-time job, and I want the Lord to close all doors except the right one! And I am looking to find some friends ... I could use His help on that too :)
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Two Very Unrealted Thoughts
(1) I am not a sports fan ... I very rarely enjoy watching sports. I like sporting events, but mostly because it is time spent with friends. But I am a fan of sports fans ... I love watching people watch sports! I love that they get super intense, super angry, super happy ... I think it is fascinating. I was at the Orioles game today, and there was a Red Sox fan sitting in front of me. He was decked out in well-worn gear, with a parade of children all dressed in Sox jerseys. He sat there with his iphone, searching stats and marking in his personal score book, exuding an intensity that blessed my heart. I love watching people do the things that bring them the most joy ... even when its at a baseball game!
(2) I read this article called "Betting on Vegas" by MC Taylor for my ethics class this past semester. The article meant very little to me when I read it, largely becuase I didn't understand what he was trying to say. As I understand it, he was using Vegas as the example of where our entire culture is headed ... in Vegas, one gets an experience that mimics real life ... meaning you chase the sign of a reality instead the reality itself. Does that make sense? It didn't really make much sense to me until the last couple weeks. During my last week in Philly, Elizabeth took us all out to coffee and talked with us about what it looks like to be the bride of Christ. It was absolutely wonderful (thats a whole other story ...)! At one point she was telling us that marriage is a picture of what it looks like for us to relate to the divine -- it is a wonderful example, and incredibly sanctifying. But why would I fervently seek the image of a reality instead of the reality itself? In other words, I have been offered a perfectly loving marriage relationship with Christ, and my marriage to my husband will just be a reflection of it. It makes me feel so foolish to recognize that I have been seeking a reflection of a love that is being offered straight to me by Christ. And today I was dwelling on other ways that this way of thinking has been problematic for me ... instead of seeking love, sometimes I merely seek its expression. Silliness. Thank you Lord for using a convoluted, scholarly article to shed light on the ways you desire to teach me. I want to seek the real thing first ... and if a finite image will help me love the Lord more fully, than I hope for that someday.
(2) I read this article called "Betting on Vegas" by MC Taylor for my ethics class this past semester. The article meant very little to me when I read it, largely becuase I didn't understand what he was trying to say. As I understand it, he was using Vegas as the example of where our entire culture is headed ... in Vegas, one gets an experience that mimics real life ... meaning you chase the sign of a reality instead the reality itself. Does that make sense? It didn't really make much sense to me until the last couple weeks. During my last week in Philly, Elizabeth took us all out to coffee and talked with us about what it looks like to be the bride of Christ. It was absolutely wonderful (thats a whole other story ...)! At one point she was telling us that marriage is a picture of what it looks like for us to relate to the divine -- it is a wonderful example, and incredibly sanctifying. But why would I fervently seek the image of a reality instead of the reality itself? In other words, I have been offered a perfectly loving marriage relationship with Christ, and my marriage to my husband will just be a reflection of it. It makes me feel so foolish to recognize that I have been seeking a reflection of a love that is being offered straight to me by Christ. And today I was dwelling on other ways that this way of thinking has been problematic for me ... instead of seeking love, sometimes I merely seek its expression. Silliness. Thank you Lord for using a convoluted, scholarly article to shed light on the ways you desire to teach me. I want to seek the real thing first ... and if a finite image will help me love the Lord more fully, than I hope for that someday.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Prophetic Whispers
God is so good to convict me, and to call me out of my wanderings and into Himself.
In the words of CS Lewis, I am" like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because [she] cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
The past several months have been marked by a wandering from the things that I love -- and mainly my first Love -- in exchange for things that offer temporary gratification. When God drew me to the sanctuary last week and dealt lovingly with me, I was brought to the prophets. The unfaithfulness of Israel is not unlike my own unfaithfulness, and God gives wonderful pictures of his powerful redemption.
So I decided yesterday to read through Isaiah, and God used the very first chapter to convict and call me. Verses 5-6 read, "Why do you seek further beatings? Why do you continue to rebel? The whole head is sick and the whole heart faint." I have strayed so much from the things that God has taught me be to be true that it feels like my mind is sick with untruth and my heart whittled away. I have believed that I need to act, look, dress and be a certain way in order to be loved .... I lost the security that breeds a profound and otherwise unattainable courage. I have offered many sacrifices (v. 11), but (until last week) not one of a broken and contrite heart. I have watered down the wine offered to me by Christ and run after gifts offered by other lovers. But I choose to be willing and obedient (v. 19), knowing that my scarlet sins shall become like wool (v. 18).
Interestingly enough, my disobedience has bred fear that has affected the way I relate to the poor. I have believed a lie of entitlement that justifies my selfishly spent time and resources.
I just finished reading "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" by Rob Bell (an interesting read ... ask me if you want my full thoughts on it), which brought to my attention all the ways that I have bought into a cultural empire that champions consumption and acquisition. The Lord is reminding me that he deserves the first fruits of my time, energy and money ... I have been hoarding things for myself, without realizing that they don't even belong to me. I spent a lot of the day today packing up for my move next week, and I am almost sickened by the ridiculous amount of things that I have. I don't really know what it looks like to pursue stewardship, but that is my prayer for the coming days. My total lack of stewardship is a scarlet patch that I want to be washed clean, knowing that the pursuit of God implies a turning away from material goods (holla, Tozer!).
I am not sure if there was a logical progression to that at all ... sorry! Just thoughts on where I am at.
In the words of CS Lewis, I am" like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because [she] cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
The past several months have been marked by a wandering from the things that I love -- and mainly my first Love -- in exchange for things that offer temporary gratification. When God drew me to the sanctuary last week and dealt lovingly with me, I was brought to the prophets. The unfaithfulness of Israel is not unlike my own unfaithfulness, and God gives wonderful pictures of his powerful redemption.
So I decided yesterday to read through Isaiah, and God used the very first chapter to convict and call me. Verses 5-6 read, "Why do you seek further beatings? Why do you continue to rebel? The whole head is sick and the whole heart faint." I have strayed so much from the things that God has taught me be to be true that it feels like my mind is sick with untruth and my heart whittled away. I have believed that I need to act, look, dress and be a certain way in order to be loved .... I lost the security that breeds a profound and otherwise unattainable courage. I have offered many sacrifices (v. 11), but (until last week) not one of a broken and contrite heart. I have watered down the wine offered to me by Christ and run after gifts offered by other lovers. But I choose to be willing and obedient (v. 19), knowing that my scarlet sins shall become like wool (v. 18).
Interestingly enough, my disobedience has bred fear that has affected the way I relate to the poor. I have believed a lie of entitlement that justifies my selfishly spent time and resources.
I just finished reading "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" by Rob Bell (an interesting read ... ask me if you want my full thoughts on it), which brought to my attention all the ways that I have bought into a cultural empire that champions consumption and acquisition. The Lord is reminding me that he deserves the first fruits of my time, energy and money ... I have been hoarding things for myself, without realizing that they don't even belong to me. I spent a lot of the day today packing up for my move next week, and I am almost sickened by the ridiculous amount of things that I have. I don't really know what it looks like to pursue stewardship, but that is my prayer for the coming days. My total lack of stewardship is a scarlet patch that I want to be washed clean, knowing that the pursuit of God implies a turning away from material goods (holla, Tozer!).
I am not sure if there was a logical progression to that at all ... sorry! Just thoughts on where I am at.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Dream Home
So I went with my mom and her interior decorator to pick out cabinetry today ... and it was extremely boring. I think that I will be largely unconcerned with the way that my future house looks, as long as it is cozy and inviting. But there are two things that I desperately want: (1) one of those sweet metal spiral staircases with really tight turns ... I don't care if they are a pain, because I think they are wonderful (2) a library with a rolling ladder and a big leather chair. Other than those two things, I am not too picky ... I will just make my decorator best friend Lindsay design everything else.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
If I Could Hug Anyone ...
it would be GK Chesterton. He is probably my favorite person ever, and for sure my favorite author.
I just finished "The Man Who Was Thursday," and it was wonderful! It is a ridiculous story about anarchists, but really it is about modernity's attempt to kill God. When I say ridiculous, I mean it ... there are swordfights, mobs, secret lairs, a dance complete with ridiculous costumes, and a man riding an elephant. And that is why I so dearly love GKC ... because only he can make the fantastical (and even farcical) into a striking lesson about God and living in the Kingdom. The book makes it very clear that nothing is what it seems, but for the purpose of giving one hope in the unseen. This is not a dualist book, however, for Chesteron does not find the visible to be wholly bad ... one character says near the end:
"Shall I tell you the secret of the whole world? It is that we have only known the back of the world. We see everything from behind, and it looks brutal. That is not a tree, but the back of a tree. That is not a cloud, but the back of a cloud. Cannot you see that everything is stooping and hiding a face?"
How wonderful an expression of the truth that nature and the world were created good, but sin has forced the goodness of life to turn its back on us. Redemption of the world will allow us to see the world as it was meant to be seen, trading its brutality for beauty.
This is a book for those who are frustrated with life, its meaninglessness and its confusion ... the peace of God looks very unlike what we would imagine, and this book gives the reader a new perspective (or rather illuminates her/his current one).
Read it ... you will love it. It is weird and crazy and phenomenal.
I just finished "The Man Who Was Thursday," and it was wonderful! It is a ridiculous story about anarchists, but really it is about modernity's attempt to kill God. When I say ridiculous, I mean it ... there are swordfights, mobs, secret lairs, a dance complete with ridiculous costumes, and a man riding an elephant. And that is why I so dearly love GKC ... because only he can make the fantastical (and even farcical) into a striking lesson about God and living in the Kingdom. The book makes it very clear that nothing is what it seems, but for the purpose of giving one hope in the unseen. This is not a dualist book, however, for Chesteron does not find the visible to be wholly bad ... one character says near the end:
"Shall I tell you the secret of the whole world? It is that we have only known the back of the world. We see everything from behind, and it looks brutal. That is not a tree, but the back of a tree. That is not a cloud, but the back of a cloud. Cannot you see that everything is stooping and hiding a face?"
How wonderful an expression of the truth that nature and the world were created good, but sin has forced the goodness of life to turn its back on us. Redemption of the world will allow us to see the world as it was meant to be seen, trading its brutality for beauty.
This is a book for those who are frustrated with life, its meaninglessness and its confusion ... the peace of God looks very unlike what we would imagine, and this book gives the reader a new perspective (or rather illuminates her/his current one).
Read it ... you will love it. It is weird and crazy and phenomenal.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The End of another Era ...
This has been a summer of change for me ... and some pretty massive changes, for that matter. I graduated from college, ended my lifetime status as a student, moved out of the town that has been home to me for four years, watched my best friend get married and move to the opposite end of the country, started the process of ending my financial dependency ... woah. And now I am ending a three-summer ministry streak in Philly.
Yesterday the Lord called me to sit with him in the upper sanctuary of the church where we live (a place the two of us have met powerfully in the past), and he spoke beautiful things to me. He ministered his redemption powerfully to me and, despite my valiant efforts to avoid him, he dealt with darkness that I had let fester in my heart.
And then he brought to mind people, places, and events connected to Philly that have blessed and changed my life. This place has been of the utmost importance to my life, and I can do nothing but profusely thank the Lord for his generous gifts.
So thank you, God, for:
water ice, Kensington Ave, prayer walks, grasshopper pie, breaking the chains of addiction, worship, our creaky staircase, fire hydrants, Rocky, Vinnie and Destiny, Love Park, sweet baby Selah, community, leadership, comfortlessness, Trish, speaking newness into my life, morning coffee with the staff, a hero (Elizabeth), wisdom, getting to see you wreck students and then build them up again, hard lessons, hipsters, Cast Your Cares, cheesesteaks, Belmont, Rock Ministries, the dress code, midnight vomit clean-up, basement adventures, Jonerik, Frank, footwashing, humility, authority, tattoos, and so many other things I can't begin to express in words.
I know that I will be back, hopefully even next summer to lead a project. But I am walking into a new life season that doesn't afford the opportunity to spend months at a time here. Lord, thank you for letting me be here ... please bring me back someday!
Yesterday the Lord called me to sit with him in the upper sanctuary of the church where we live (a place the two of us have met powerfully in the past), and he spoke beautiful things to me. He ministered his redemption powerfully to me and, despite my valiant efforts to avoid him, he dealt with darkness that I had let fester in my heart.
And then he brought to mind people, places, and events connected to Philly that have blessed and changed my life. This place has been of the utmost importance to my life, and I can do nothing but profusely thank the Lord for his generous gifts.
So thank you, God, for:
water ice, Kensington Ave, prayer walks, grasshopper pie, breaking the chains of addiction, worship, our creaky staircase, fire hydrants, Rocky, Vinnie and Destiny, Love Park, sweet baby Selah, community, leadership, comfortlessness, Trish, speaking newness into my life, morning coffee with the staff, a hero (Elizabeth), wisdom, getting to see you wreck students and then build them up again, hard lessons, hipsters, Cast Your Cares, cheesesteaks, Belmont, Rock Ministries, the dress code, midnight vomit clean-up, basement adventures, Jonerik, Frank, footwashing, humility, authority, tattoos, and so many other things I can't begin to express in words.
I know that I will be back, hopefully even next summer to lead a project. But I am walking into a new life season that doesn't afford the opportunity to spend months at a time here. Lord, thank you for letting me be here ... please bring me back someday!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Radical Reformission
So I recently finished “The Radical Reformission” by Mark Driscoll … I have never been good at keeping up with the latest pastors and their books (I am too caught up in a long list of dead theologians), so this was a very different kind of book for me to read. I asked Anson (the youth pastor that I am about to intern with) to tell me the name of one book I should read before coming to work with him … Reformission was it. And, after reading it, I can partially understand why this would be his choice – the book is primarily concerned with understanding what it looks like to minister to our culture.
And there were some things that I appreciated about the book … he writes at great length about the dangers of morality-championing rhetoric, the importance of discipleship in evangelism and finding ways to relate to culture and to people without compromising the integrity of the gospel … all good things.
However, there were a lot of things that frustrated me about the book. Two of those things are fairly biased, but (in my opinion) depreciate the value of the book: (1) his writing style was …ummm, hokey? Is that how you spell that word? At times it was entertaining, and at times it was straightforward enough that I could ignore it, but it was just kind of cheesy. I got the impression that he was trying entirely too hard to keep me engaged … (2) He aggressively defends traditional gender roles, and categorizes feminists with ‘alcoholics, perverts, adulterers and nut jobs.’ He uses the word ‘tragic’ when describing the woman’s suffrage and finds feminine piety regrettable. Ridiculous!
But, independent of my feminist ideals and my love for good writing, I still had a few problems with the book. Perhaps my biggest problem with the book is the way in which he talks out of both sides of his mouth. He says that both fundamentalism and liberalism are unfortunate extremes that hurt the gospel, but seems to only disagree with fundamentalism on one issue: alcohol. He has an entire chapter devoted to defending alcohol (well, actually just dark beer), which not only seemed awkwardly out-of-place, but his one main deviance from fundamentalist theology. He says tattoos and secular music are ok for Christians, but anything that even vaguely resembles liberalism is unallowable. He wants to advocate a middle ground, but really he is just a beer-drinking fundamentalist. Or, for another example, he explicitly says that postmodernism is not something to be opposed or embraced … and then he proceeds with a seven-fold attack on all things postmodern.
To clarify, I think there is validity in condemning facets of liberalism and postmodernism …. but he wholly condemns them while claiming to do something else. It was an incredibly frustrating book to read because I had a hard time understanding where he was going and what he was actually trying to say. And I was also frustrated by his extreme simplification of important thinkers and theologians. At one point, he attempts to sum up the Western thought and the rise of postmodernism in two pages … he states that it is not an academic treatment of the subject, yet he invokes Descartes, Nietzsche, Derrida, Hegel and Kierkegaard as though they are simple thinkers you can just toss into conversation.
Near the end of the book, he attacks the emergent church … previously, this would not have been problematic for me. But after going to a lecture in which Tony Jones (a leader of the emergent church) came to Baylor and explained a lot of what the emergent church, Driscoll’s unforgiving critique seemed harsh. I will say no more here ...
Wow … this is turning out to be quite the biting commentary. As you can tell, it is not necessarily one that I would recommend, but here are a few quotes that I loved (you know, trying to end on a good note):
- “Reformission requires that Christians and their churches move forward on their knees, continually confessing their addictions to morality and the appearance of godliness, which does no penetrate the heart and transform lives”
- “Innovation, when not tethered to the truth of the gospel, leads to heresy”
- “Anytime that Jesus is used as a means to an end, a false gospel has been introduced”
And there were some things that I appreciated about the book … he writes at great length about the dangers of morality-championing rhetoric, the importance of discipleship in evangelism and finding ways to relate to culture and to people without compromising the integrity of the gospel … all good things.
However, there were a lot of things that frustrated me about the book. Two of those things are fairly biased, but (in my opinion) depreciate the value of the book: (1) his writing style was …ummm, hokey? Is that how you spell that word? At times it was entertaining, and at times it was straightforward enough that I could ignore it, but it was just kind of cheesy. I got the impression that he was trying entirely too hard to keep me engaged … (2) He aggressively defends traditional gender roles, and categorizes feminists with ‘alcoholics, perverts, adulterers and nut jobs.’ He uses the word ‘tragic’ when describing the woman’s suffrage and finds feminine piety regrettable. Ridiculous!
But, independent of my feminist ideals and my love for good writing, I still had a few problems with the book. Perhaps my biggest problem with the book is the way in which he talks out of both sides of his mouth. He says that both fundamentalism and liberalism are unfortunate extremes that hurt the gospel, but seems to only disagree with fundamentalism on one issue: alcohol. He has an entire chapter devoted to defending alcohol (well, actually just dark beer), which not only seemed awkwardly out-of-place, but his one main deviance from fundamentalist theology. He says tattoos and secular music are ok for Christians, but anything that even vaguely resembles liberalism is unallowable. He wants to advocate a middle ground, but really he is just a beer-drinking fundamentalist. Or, for another example, he explicitly says that postmodernism is not something to be opposed or embraced … and then he proceeds with a seven-fold attack on all things postmodern.
To clarify, I think there is validity in condemning facets of liberalism and postmodernism …. but he wholly condemns them while claiming to do something else. It was an incredibly frustrating book to read because I had a hard time understanding where he was going and what he was actually trying to say. And I was also frustrated by his extreme simplification of important thinkers and theologians. At one point, he attempts to sum up the Western thought and the rise of postmodernism in two pages … he states that it is not an academic treatment of the subject, yet he invokes Descartes, Nietzsche, Derrida, Hegel and Kierkegaard as though they are simple thinkers you can just toss into conversation.
Near the end of the book, he attacks the emergent church … previously, this would not have been problematic for me. But after going to a lecture in which Tony Jones (a leader of the emergent church) came to Baylor and explained a lot of what the emergent church, Driscoll’s unforgiving critique seemed harsh. I will say no more here ...
Wow … this is turning out to be quite the biting commentary. As you can tell, it is not necessarily one that I would recommend, but here are a few quotes that I loved (you know, trying to end on a good note):
- “Reformission requires that Christians and their churches move forward on their knees, continually confessing their addictions to morality and the appearance of godliness, which does no penetrate the heart and transform lives”
- “Innovation, when not tethered to the truth of the gospel, leads to heresy”
- “Anytime that Jesus is used as a means to an end, a false gospel has been introduced”
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Back Again!
After waiting for months with baited breath (haha ... NOT!) ... you need not wait any longer -- I am blogging again! I realized two things this week: (1) God is teaching me so much, allowing me to experience so much and doing such mighty and wonderful things that I need to write them down! and (2) I have incredibly strong opinions about a lot of things, and it is much better to post them in a blog than to erupt in intellectual tirades all the time with my poor, unsuspecting friends. Plus, I am about to begin a wonderful new chapter in my life, and I want to share that with my friends and family across the country!
I am back in Philly. Whenever I come back here, it reminds me of Joshua 4:4-7, which says:
"So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."
Returning to Philly for me is like returning to an altar signifying all that God has done in my life -- he did a miraculous work in me here, and being here refreshes my relationship with him in a special way. Granted, it was quite the transition ... I went from wedding world (complete with cupcakes, dresses, flowers, etc) straight into stark poverty. I had not prepared my heart at all for that transition, and God has been beating out my selfishness in the last two weeks. I have been characteristically caught up in my own situation, and the Lord is having to scrub hard to remove the set-in stains of pride and self-indulgence in my life. And, because of that, I have felt largely unqualified to be leading inner-city trips here. I ache for the students who come to experience the Lord in the powerful way that I have, and I fear that I will just get in the way.
I am leading the project this week, which is an especially intimidating task. Being young and female makes my leadership questionable to some people, and with the added insecurity about the state of my heart, I started to listen to a lot of lies from the enemy last night. It turns out, I really am unqualified, but that is pefect .... I am incapable of leading these teams in my own strength, but the Lord has given me an extra measure of His. God has taken my plans and changed them, reminding me that His will is going to be accomplished this week. Reading through Esther has been a great reminder that God's providence is perfect, and that I have been placed in Philly for such a time as this.
Here is a quick list of some moments that have been really sweet for me since coming here:
- Frank Varaso prayed over me when I first got here, and he prayed for things that I needed but hadn't shared with him ... thanks Holy Spirit!
- I was pretty sure that God was speaking Phillipians 2 over this particular project week, but the Lord confirmed it in a really neat way!
- I got to lead a prayer walk yesterday, and God not only re-broke my heart for this city, but I got to watch as an especially difficult student connected with the Lord for the first time since being here!
- I have gotten to help lead worship ... and loved it! Especially one night when Jonerik and I sang a song that has been incredbily close to my heart ... it sounded beautiful because both of us were connecting with the Lord in an awesome way!
- As project leader this week, the staff has supported me in incredible ways! I have been so blessed by their fearless service.
- I am honored to be working with fabulous youth pastors ... they are flexible, fun, and dedicated to their students in a way that I fiercely admire.
- I got to spend some quality time with Selah (Frank and Elizabeth's baby) ... She cuddled and snuggled up on my shoulder and fell asleep. It was perfectly relaxing and peaceful!
- Pretty much every moment of every day is awesome (sometimes more in retrospect, though) ... I get to be a part of the Lord working in the lives of students and I get to see his continued redemption of the people of this city!
So that was kind of incoherent ... but such is the state of my mind these days!
I am back in Philly. Whenever I come back here, it reminds me of Joshua 4:4-7, which says:
"So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."
Returning to Philly for me is like returning to an altar signifying all that God has done in my life -- he did a miraculous work in me here, and being here refreshes my relationship with him in a special way. Granted, it was quite the transition ... I went from wedding world (complete with cupcakes, dresses, flowers, etc) straight into stark poverty. I had not prepared my heart at all for that transition, and God has been beating out my selfishness in the last two weeks. I have been characteristically caught up in my own situation, and the Lord is having to scrub hard to remove the set-in stains of pride and self-indulgence in my life. And, because of that, I have felt largely unqualified to be leading inner-city trips here. I ache for the students who come to experience the Lord in the powerful way that I have, and I fear that I will just get in the way.
I am leading the project this week, which is an especially intimidating task. Being young and female makes my leadership questionable to some people, and with the added insecurity about the state of my heart, I started to listen to a lot of lies from the enemy last night. It turns out, I really am unqualified, but that is pefect .... I am incapable of leading these teams in my own strength, but the Lord has given me an extra measure of His. God has taken my plans and changed them, reminding me that His will is going to be accomplished this week. Reading through Esther has been a great reminder that God's providence is perfect, and that I have been placed in Philly for such a time as this.
Here is a quick list of some moments that have been really sweet for me since coming here:
- Frank Varaso prayed over me when I first got here, and he prayed for things that I needed but hadn't shared with him ... thanks Holy Spirit!
- I was pretty sure that God was speaking Phillipians 2 over this particular project week, but the Lord confirmed it in a really neat way!
- I got to lead a prayer walk yesterday, and God not only re-broke my heart for this city, but I got to watch as an especially difficult student connected with the Lord for the first time since being here!
- I have gotten to help lead worship ... and loved it! Especially one night when Jonerik and I sang a song that has been incredbily close to my heart ... it sounded beautiful because both of us were connecting with the Lord in an awesome way!
- As project leader this week, the staff has supported me in incredible ways! I have been so blessed by their fearless service.
- I am honored to be working with fabulous youth pastors ... they are flexible, fun, and dedicated to their students in a way that I fiercely admire.
- I got to spend some quality time with Selah (Frank and Elizabeth's baby) ... She cuddled and snuggled up on my shoulder and fell asleep. It was perfectly relaxing and peaceful!
- Pretty much every moment of every day is awesome (sometimes more in retrospect, though) ... I get to be a part of the Lord working in the lives of students and I get to see his continued redemption of the people of this city!
So that was kind of incoherent ... but such is the state of my mind these days!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Never Again
So, I know I didn't blog at all about my trip to Asia. Hopefully, lots of stories and pictures will come soon, but here is just one for now:
While we were in Cambodia, we went to the genocide museum in Phnom Penh. Under the "vision" of Pol Pot, the Khmer Rouge killed 25% of Cambodia's entire population. They imposed radical agrarian communism, and all potential "rebels" were killed. This meant intellectuals (and everyone with any kind of education), anyone with foreign connections, and any one that the deemed in any way to be a potential problem. At the museum (which was once a high school, before the Khmer Rouge made it a prison), we saw hundreds of pictures of people who were killed there, the instruments and devices used to torture them, and all of the horrible rhetoric used by the mass murderers. We also went to the genocide memorial, which is at one of the killing fields -- there are tons of mass graves which were exhumed, and the skulls they found comprimise the memorial.
All that to say, genocide happened in Cambodia in the 70's ... that is not that long ago. And I never learned about. Western education is, well .... western. And, it turns out, most people I know have never heard anything about what happened there. THAT is a crime.
My heart broke for the people of Cambodia ... they are just beginning to heal from the horrible wounds inflicted not so long ago.
So it got me thinking ... what is happening in the world today that my children are going to look back on and wonder how we let it happen? Where is genocide occuring that I don't know about? What is the legacy of my generation when it comes to crimes of this nature? Are we going to let them happen? But how can we stop them?
I had tried to calm these questions in my heart a little bit, just overwhelmed by the idea of trying to find out how I can become a part of world-change :)
And God met me in that place, and answered my questions through a man named Sean Carasso. He is at Baylor for a couple days, just telling stories about his experience in the Congo. It was the most dynamic conversation I have ever been a part of ... he is beyond passionate about what he saw and so deeply desires for people to get involved and evoke change. He talked about William Wilberforce and Martin Luther King Jr. Those are the kinds of people that I want to be found amongst. The Congo is war-torn ... and I didn't know. But I am starting to ...
check out fallingwhistles.com
and
http://af.reuters.com/article/drcNews/idAFLN34164620090123?pageNumber=3&virtualBrandChannel=0
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