Prophetic Whispers

God is so good to convict me, and to call me out of my wanderings and into Himself.
In the words of CS Lewis, I am" like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because [she] cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
The past several months have been marked by a wandering from the things that I love -- and mainly my first Love -- in exchange for things that offer temporary gratification. When God drew me to the sanctuary last week and dealt lovingly with me, I was brought to the prophets. The unfaithfulness of Israel is not unlike my own unfaithfulness, and God gives wonderful pictures of his powerful redemption.
So I decided yesterday to read through Isaiah, and God used the very first chapter to convict and call me. Verses 5-6 read, "Why do you seek further beatings? Why do you continue to rebel? The whole head is sick and the whole heart faint." I have strayed so much from the things that God has taught me be to be true that it feels like my mind is sick with untruth and my heart whittled away. I have believed that I need to act, look, dress and be a certain way in order to be loved .... I lost the security that breeds a profound and otherwise unattainable courage. I have offered many sacrifices (v. 11), but (until last week) not one of a broken and contrite heart. I have watered down the wine offered to me by Christ and run after gifts offered by other lovers. But I choose to be willing and obedient (v. 19), knowing that my scarlet sins shall become like wool (v. 18).
Interestingly enough, my disobedience has bred fear that has affected the way I relate to the poor. I have believed a lie of entitlement that justifies my selfishly spent time and resources.
I just finished reading "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" by Rob Bell (an interesting read ... ask me if you want my full thoughts on it), which brought to my attention all the ways that I have bought into a cultural empire that champions consumption and acquisition. The Lord is reminding me that he deserves the first fruits of my time, energy and money ... I have been hoarding things for myself, without realizing that they don't even belong to me. I spent a lot of the day today packing up for my move next week, and I am almost sickened by the ridiculous amount of things that I have. I don't really know what it looks like to pursue stewardship, but that is my prayer for the coming days. My total lack of stewardship is a scarlet patch that I want to be washed clean, knowing that the pursuit of God implies a turning away from material goods (holla, Tozer!).
I am not sure if there was a logical progression to that at all ... sorry! Just thoughts on where I am at.