I know, I know ... it's been too long again.
Not sure I even know why I haven't blogged in a long time -- I think my inner-life has been so cloudy and elusive that pinning down any coherent thoughts has been impossible. And, honestly, I am not sure that I have anything really coherent to say even now, as I'm typing. But I know that, in the last few months, I have turned my back on some practices and convictions that were very important to me -- probably because I don't know how to reconcile so much of who I was with my current realities. Moral of the story ... writing matters to me, but I don't know how to be a writer when my thought life is so uninspiring these days.
Standard thought bubbles:
"Do I have time to take a nap? Just kidding ... I will make time for it."
"I want corn muffins. And candy. Why aren't more stores open right now?"
"Time to get dressed ... Ugh. What can I squeeze my pregnant body into today?"
"How is breastfeeding seriously so complicated that there are entire books devoted to the subject?"
"Seriously, baby? Can you just chill out in there?"
"How can I get Josh to offer to rub my calves so I don't have to ask again?"
See? Not the stuff that inspirational blog posts are made of.
I think it is going to take me a while to figure out how to venture into motherhood without abandoning my sense of self. But I know that to be true to myself is to write (in some shape or form). So I am going to try to keep blogging!
1 comment:
ahhh, yes. It's so very hard to keep ahold of your identity when you become the sole provider for a very needy little being. Motherhood is absolutely wonderful, but it is overwhelming, exhausting, and all-consuming. Especially the first couple of months when they just take, take, and can't offer much back. You will never really be the same person you were before, and sometimes, you will miss that person. But I have no doubt that the good Lord will help you find the new you in motherhood. Praying for you and TC!! I'm always here to talk!
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