Back Again!

After waiting for months with baited breath (haha ... NOT!) ... you need not wait any longer -- I am blogging again! I realized two things this week: (1) God is teaching me so much, allowing me to experience so much and doing such mighty and wonderful things that I need to write them down! and (2) I have incredibly strong opinions about a lot of things, and it is much better to post them in a blog than to erupt in intellectual tirades all the time with my poor, unsuspecting friends. Plus, I am about to begin a wonderful new chapter in my life, and I want to share that with my friends and family across the country!

I am back in Philly. Whenever I come back here, it reminds me of Joshua 4:4-7, which says:

"So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."

Returning to Philly for me is like returning to an altar signifying all that God has done in my life -- he did a miraculous work in me here, and being here refreshes my relationship with him in a special way. Granted, it was quite the transition ... I went from wedding world (complete with cupcakes, dresses, flowers, etc) straight into stark poverty. I had not prepared my heart at all for that transition, and God has been beating out my selfishness in the last two weeks. I have been characteristically caught up in my own situation, and the Lord is having to scrub hard to remove the set-in stains of pride and self-indulgence in my life. And, because of that, I have felt largely unqualified to be leading inner-city trips here. I ache for the students who come to experience the Lord in the powerful way that I have, and I fear that I will just get in the way.
I am leading the project this week, which is an especially intimidating task. Being young and female makes my leadership questionable to some people, and with the added insecurity about the state of my heart, I started to listen to a lot of lies from the enemy last night. It turns out, I really am unqualified, but that is pefect .... I am incapable of leading these teams in my own strength, but the Lord has given me an extra measure of His. God has taken my plans and changed them, reminding me that His will is going to be accomplished this week. Reading through Esther has been a great reminder that God's providence is perfect, and that I have been placed in Philly for such a time as this.

Here is a quick list of some moments that have been really sweet for me since coming here:
- Frank Varaso prayed over me when I first got here, and he prayed for things that I needed but hadn't shared with him ... thanks Holy Spirit!
- I was pretty sure that God was speaking Phillipians 2 over this particular project week, but the Lord confirmed it in a really neat way!
- I got to lead a prayer walk yesterday, and God not only re-broke my heart for this city, but I got to watch as an especially difficult student connected with the Lord for the first time since being here!
- I have gotten to help lead worship ... and loved it! Especially one night when Jonerik and I sang a song that has been incredbily close to my heart ... it sounded beautiful because both of us were connecting with the Lord in an awesome way!
- As project leader this week, the staff has supported me in incredible ways! I have been so blessed by their fearless service.
- I am honored to be working with fabulous youth pastors ... they are flexible, fun, and dedicated to their students in a way that I fiercely admire.
- I got to spend some quality time with Selah (Frank and Elizabeth's baby) ... She cuddled and snuggled up on my shoulder and fell asleep. It was perfectly relaxing and peaceful!
- Pretty much every moment of every day is awesome (sometimes more in retrospect, though) ... I get to be a part of the Lord working in the lives of students and I get to see his continued redemption of the people of this city!

So that was kind of incoherent ... but such is the state of my mind these days!