I am off to Asia soon!

Hey Friends!
Get pumped ... I leave for Asia on Thursday! I figured I would throw my itinerary out there ... I would definitely appreciate your prayers as we roam the East!

Jan. 1 -- Leave Dallas at night for LA
Jan. 3 -- Arrive in Hong Kong early in the morning
Jan. 4 -- head to Phnom Penh (Cambodia) in the evening
Jan.6 -- Drive to Siem Reap
Jan. 8 -- Fly to Hanoi (Vietnam)
Jan. 10 -- Off to Hue
Jan. 12 -- Drive to Hoi An
Jan. 14 -- Drive to Danang and Ho Chi Min City
Jan. 16 -- Fly to Singapore
Jan. 17 -- Leave Singapore for LA/Dallas!

That's right ... 4 countries in 17 days! I am so excited!
It will be really interesting to travel somewhere without it being a family vacation or a missions trip ... despite that intentionality, I am really excited for all that God is going to do!

Some ways to pray:
- I have had some pretty intense headaches the last couple days ... I don't want headaches to get in the way of my Asian debauchery :)
- I tend to lose stuff -- I am terrified I will lost my passport, or my money or myself!
- That I would learn a lot! I know the Lord wants to open my eyes to more of his creation, more of the world and more of Himself!

I will see what I can do about updating my blog, but no promises :)

Semester Reflections

Socrates once said something along the lines of "the unreflected life is not worth living." In all my philosophical wadings I have found that Socrates is pretty smart, so maybe he was on to something here. Turns out, a certain tattoo on my wrist is a good reminder that scripture calls us to meditate on God's wonderful works. So, it seems to me, that looking back at the past in order to "know thyself" and to know God more fully is a very good thing. This is one of those reasons that I wish I was good at journaling -- traversing through the past few months would be easier with a journal as a map. But I just can't seem to find the time (or the desire) to write much down.

It has been a really rough semester for me as much as I hate to admit it (Disclaimer -- rough is a relative term ... my life is pretty easy). My experience in Philly distanced me a little more from some of my friends, my exit interview became the bane of my existence, and I (as usual) had far too much on my plate. And it seems that everyone I know is getting engaged ... or is in a serious relationship. It has been a lonely semester for me ... I don't think I have ever felt so alienated -- by my experiences, by my intelligence (and, in some circles, lack thereof), by my singleness.
But it has also been really awesome ... I have been a part of some really amazing things, deeply known some really amazing people, had a lot of fun ... shoot, I got to go wedding dress shopping with my best friend! How fun is that! I have gotten a better hold on the things that bring me the most joy, and have started to learn to say "no" to those things that are not life-giving. And I am succeeding in most of my endeavors ... my GPA would rock if I had never been pre-med :)

But there are two things that I have become painfully aware of (there had to be a list at some point):
1) I had to fill out this application for my potential internship, and it was very illuminating. I am really good at filling out applications that involve the what-have-you-done kind of questions. I have accumulated a fairly substantial list of extra-curriculars, honors, impressive classes, etc. and it is easy to recount those things on paper. But only one question on the entire application was like that. All the other questions where the who-are-you kind or the what-do-you-believe kind. It was definitely a journey to fill it out -- I can't say I dwell too much on what my spiritual gifts are, or ways that I have impacted other people. But it was really good. It forced me to solidify what I believe (which involved me coming across an AMAZING essay by NT Wright called "How Can the Bible be Authoritative?" ... seriously, read it. its awesome) and also who I am. It made me very self aware ... which leads to number 2...

2) I don't particularily like who I am right now. And I can very clearly connect that to my lack of time spent with the Lord. The beginning of the semester was hard, but in my lonliness I ran to the Lord. A lot. And it was incredibly comforting ... the Lord knows best how to soothe the hurts of my hurt and urge me into more of Himself, and it did me good. But my life got busy, and I started to skip that precious time, though I missed it terrible. And then I seemed to forget about it all together. I thought I had found a group of friends who really understood me ... turns out I was wrong, and I left behind my truest friend in the process. But even more than that, I have totally fallen into the misguided notion that what I do defines who I am -- in fact, I have allowed that to be true of my life. And in order to get the 4.0 and plan the Poverty Summit and keep up with my responsibilities I walked away from time with the Lord. I am awesome at doing things for God and talking about God, but loving God is something that I have become pretty terrible at. So I have an awesome resume, but very little joy. And I hate it.
I was in a heated debate with a friend about the Bible at one point this semester, and though I couldn't rationalize exactly why I believe it to be so important, I knew in my heart that those people that I have found most life-giving are hearers and doers of the Word. Thats what I want for this coming semester. I want God to rekindle a passion for his word, both written and spoken to me.

It has been a good semester ... and even the hard things are not in vain. I know that God is developing perseverance in me ... I want a perseverant faith and a consistent communion with the Lord. Get pumped!

Oh, and here's for you, Amy -- my sister is the bomb diggity!

Instead of studying for finals ...

- So I am officially no longer a member of KXA (as of last Tuesday). Or, should I say I am an alumna (is that the right word?) more than an ex-member. I don't think that has really hit me yet ... it has been a big part of my life for 3 years, and I think it will be a couple weeks into next semester before I really realize I am done! It has been a growing experience for sure ... I have met some of my best friends, had some really proud moments in leadership (and some not-so-proud ones) and had a LOT of fun! I have invested so much of myself in the organization that I think I was just really ready to be done. It makes it hard for me to be motivated to plan rush when I'm technically not even a member. Ugh. 

- This is why my life is awesome ... last night Casey and I outfitted ourselves in full-body pajamas, hats and boots and we ambushed one of the staff members that we both work with (Karin Klinger ... who is awesome!) at her house! It was really fun ... we ate Panda express and watched "Children of Men." It was great ... although most things done in full-body pajamas are pretty stupendous!

- Children of Men is a pretty thought-provoking movie ... you should see it. It's about the future world in which women are infertile and the youngest human being is 18 years old. I wondered aloud why you would continue to go to work and live a normal life if you knew the human race was going to end in like 60 years? And then it made me wonder why that makes a difference -- as Seneca would say, we live as though we are immortal. I rarely ever consider the fact that not only my life but also the lives of those around me are very transient. That is pretty intense. I want to start living with that kind of mindset -- not in a morbid way, but in a realistic way. How much more intentional would I be?

The last couple days ...

- On Friday, I got to dress up like Mrs. Claus for Santa's Workshop -- its an event hosted by Baylor (and planned by my fabulous roommate!) for around 900 underprivileged kids to come and eat lunch, make a craft, decorate cookies and get a present. Matt, the head of Student Activities, and I donned some North Pole garb and hung out with a ton of little kids! I felt like a celebrity -- we walked down the aisle between all the tables, waved at kids and wished wished everyone a Merry Christmas! We took a billion pictures, sat on Christmas thrones, and smiled more than I can possibly communicate (my face literally hurt at the end of the morning)! It was beyond fun ... it is doing things for other people that really makes Christmas awesome!

- I bought a plane ticket on Thursday night to fly to Georgia for the weekend ... spontaneous, eh? I went to find out more about the internship at 12Stone Church that I have been thinking about since March. It was a whirlwind weekend ... I had to drive really early to get to Dallas for my flight, and I got to spend most of Saturday hanging out with Sammi ... love that! While she was at work, I got to talk with Seth (who has come to Philly both times) about being an intern, and it was awesome. And then I went to church the next morning ... it was crazy! 12Stone is a mega-church for sure ... and the prettiest one I have ever seen. Worship was sweet, the pastor was great and the church gave $100 to every family that committed to spend it on "intentional acts of Christmas." It was pretty cool to see ... although it was kind of weird to have a lot of police officers milling around the church (in light of the fact that the Lord was present ... could He not watch over that money?). It was definitely an experience ... a big change from Church Under the Bridge, thats for sure ;) It was especially interesting in light of the chapter of my thesis that I have been working on ... I wrote a whole section about churches who cater to the every whim of their congregants. But in the face of my little frustrations with the apparent wealth of the church, the Lord reminded me of two things (1) who am I to talk? (2) that the hearts of everyone that I have met at 12Stone are awesome ... they are clearly seeking the Lord so I need to get over my critical attitude. I got to grab lunch with Miles (the college pastor who is in charge of the internship program) and Anson (the high school pastor) and it was great. The questions asked were very interesting... and I am not sure what kind of impression I left. Hopefully a good one ;) I left GA much more comfortable with the realities of the internship, which was much needed. It was neat to see how my passions aligned incredibly well with Anson's dream for his group ... way to orchestrate that, Lord! All that said ... I need to pray a lot (and I need other people praying). I want whatever the Lord wants ... but I think this might be it!

Mighty to Save

It is a really good thing that God does not leave me to my own devices ... it has become clear to me in the last week exactly how wicked I am. It seems to me that there must be some kind of difference between sins that are committed unawares and those that are done with full knowledge of their menace. 

I have indulged in deliberate disobedience -- obviously this is something we all do fairly regularly, but for whatever reason it hit me as particularly evident this week. I knew exactly what I was doing ... God would speak gently against my actions, and (even more than just ignoring God) I said "I do what I want." I was working on my thesis this week, and exhorting my reader to abandon the do-whatever-you-want notion of freedom for the Biblical understanding that true freedom is experienced only within boundaries. I need to take a little of my own medicine.

I was reflecting with my best friend this week on all the times that we have felt the leading of the spirit and decided it wasn't worth heeding -- and we also remembered times that we said "yes" to the Lord and were richly blessed by that obedience.

It has become very evident that God says no to my self-indulgence for my own good.

The famous prayer, "God, save me from myself" has become my anthem for this time in my life.  Good thing God is mighty enough to do that!