My Trip to Philly

So...if you are thinking about taking a week off school to go and reconnect with God, do it! I decided on a whim last semester that I would help lead a spring break trip to Philly, and it is so crazy to me that God knew at that point how much I would need to be there.

To clarify: before I left for Philly, I was at a really shaky point with the Lord, because so much of what I had known to be true was ripped out from under me. Specifically, reading the book "Beyond God the Father" messed up my conceptions of what it means to be a woman and a Christian. I was treading water, trying to find a firm foundation. The infallibility of scripture, the oppression of patriarchy and the nature of God were all things I was wrestling with....not an easy load :) All of that on top of Steppin' Out, trying to get work done and family issues lead to me being emotionally, spiritually and physically wasted.

Good thing God saw me there.

Here is how God responded:
- bringing me home! Philly has my heart, and just being there reconnected me when I felt so...well, unconnected.
- wrestling with me. God allowed me to come before him with my questions, my frustrations and the deepest hurts of my heart. When so many people were trivializing my questions and concerns, I never felt that God did.
- putting people around me to speak into my life...I still don't know how I feel about the Biblical portrayal of my role as a woman, but I do know that I had only been getting one perspective and I needed more.
- Psalm 139
- giving me opportunities to love Him with my heart and my hands, instead of thinking about him with my mind
- calling me to live fully in the present, and making a way for my future that will allow me both to challenge and be challenged

God is doing so many crazy things in my life and heart right now....this doesn't even begin to capture how complicated my thoughts are, but God is working with me. How cool is that?

Here I am

I decided on a whim today to join the blogging ranks ... which is pretty random, seeing as I have fostered a hatred of blogging in the past. I guess I just decided that God is just doing too many things in my life for me to keep them to myself. As the bible says,

"All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.

They will tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,

so that all men may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom." Psalm 145: 10-12

As my first post suggests, the name for my blog came from an amazing derek webb song which has characterized my relationship with the Lord ... though I am incredibly unfaithful, I am running desperately down the aisle with my eyes fixed on my Bridegroom. Much more to come...

Blog Title

"If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for

and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood

because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife"

- derek webb