To clarify: before I left for Philly, I was at a really shaky point with the Lord, because so much of what I had known to be true was ripped out from under me. Specifically, reading the book "Beyond God the Father" messed up my conceptions of what it means to be a woman and a Christian. I was treading water, trying to find a firm foundation. The infallibility of scripture, the oppression of patriarchy and the nature of God were all things I was wrestling with....not an easy load :) All of that on top of Steppin' Out, trying to get work done and family issues lead to me being emotionally, spiritually and physically wasted.
Good thing God saw me there.
Here is how God responded:
- bringing me home! Philly has my heart, and just being there reconnected me when I felt so...well, unconnected.
- wrestling with me. God allowed me to come before him with my questions, my frustrations and the deepest hurts of my heart. When so many people were trivializing my questions and concerns, I never felt that God did.
- putting people around me to speak into my life...I still don't know how I feel about the Biblical portrayal of my role as a woman, but I do know that I had only been getting one perspective and I needed more.
- Psalm 139
- giving me opportunities to love Him with my heart and my hands, instead of thinking about him with my mind
- calling me to live fully in the present, and making a way for my future that will allow me both to challenge and be challenged
God is doing so many crazy things in my life and heart right now....this doesn't even begin to capture how complicated my thoughts are, but God is working with me. How cool is that?
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