Dork Club

I had dork club last night (otherwise known as Crane Scholars) and it was awesome! For those who don't know, Crane Scholars is -- and I quote -- "an intensive program for Baylor undergraduates sponsored by the Baylor Institute for Faith and Learning that encourages and supports gifted students who are interested in connections between faith, learning, and vocation. In particular, the program identifies and mentors students who are considering graduate school and careers in academic life; thus, the program aims to help cultivate the next generation of Christian scholars and teachers. The program convenes dinners, seminars, and workshops in an effort to foster intellectually rich discussions about faith and scholarly inquiry as students are introduced to first-rate Christian scholars and their writings." Now you know why I call it dork club ... it sounds much less elitist than Crane Scholars ... I feel like I have to throw my nose up in the air and wear some frumpy clothes just to say it : )

Normally, going to dork club has two effects:
(1) it humbles me. Sometimes I think I am smart, and then I go and hang out with students who are ridiculously brilliant ... I mean, we were talking about Nietzsche and Hegel in the car on the way there. I dream sometimes about going to Notre Dame for my PhD and think it could be possible, and then I remember the quality of scholarship that is occurring amongst my peers. It is crazy!
(2) it frustrates me. Supposedly we are talking about the interaction of faith and an active intellectual life ... but it usually ends up as a forum for pedantic students to throw out the names of big thinkers and demean anything that isn't overtly philosophical. For example, one of my peers said something incredibly degrading about the Baylor Interdisciplinary Poverty Initiative, something that I think is really awesome. Perhaps this is me being too cynical, but they see anything practical as totally useless. Why should we talk about poverty issues when we can talk about "the good?"(... said sarcastically). I am under the impression that you can't even begin to approach eudaemonia without taking Jesus at his word when it comes to serving the poor. But I will get off my soapbox.

So, after a very long day yesterday, the last thing that I wanted to do was drive 45 minutes away to spend my Friday night talking about a book that I didn't get to read very much of. But I went. And it was awesome. First of all, Dr. Jeffrey's house is on Lake Whitney, so it was beautiful! And we had the most delicious dinner ever! But the true joy of last night was our conversation ... I came away with an beautiful thought and a big question:

Thought:
"We love because he first loved us." Awesome, right? The book that we are reading is about this woman who is so convinced that she is living life rightly in light of the word of God, but she is the most morally decrepit character I have ever encountered. The solution? She needs to be loved. GK Chesterton (my new favorite author) says that "Beauty and the Beast" is the perfect picture of how being loved makes us capable of loving others. But in order to understand the power of love, we must first understand our own wretchedness. I can rejoice in my unfortunate state, because it makes the love of Jesus that much more poignant -- and it gives me the perspective to attempt loving those who seem unlovable.

Question:
We are told that if we follow Jesus, we will be persecuted. So how do you distinguish from persecution and the efforts of others to tell you that you are not living rightly? This woman in the book had a serious martyr complex, and all attempts to correct her perverted behavior were seen as her cross that she had to bear. Even really awesome people, like Boromir from the Lord of the Rings, are capable of leading us away from the truth ... so how do we distinguish conviction from persecution? Good thing we have the Holy Spirit ... thats all I can say. Feel free to throw your thoughts out there.

Man, how cool is it that I got to go to a professors house last night, eat good food by a lake and have an incredibly high caliber converstation? Pretty sweet, I would say.

Barnes and Noble

I went to Barnes and Noble to study tonight ... that was a bad idea.
My friend Kim says thatsomething about the smell of Abercrombie makes her want to go on shopping sprees. Well, I walked into Barnes and Noble, and the smell of new books steeped my mind with dreams of adventures and philosophical escapades experienced in the warmth of my grandma's quilt with a good cup of coffee (if I am really dreaming, it would be a butterscotch breve).
Unfortunately, most of the reading I am doing at this point occurs sitting in an uncomfortable chair for the utilitarian purpose of staying awake, while downing a cup of not good coffee (again, to stay awake). I enjoy the majority of the books that I am reading, but I would love to be able to read them in my time. I want to be able to reflect on the witty wisdom of Chesteron or the importance of Coriolanus' life ... but I can't. I have to read everything quickly, just to get it done. I ache for the day that I can walk into the bookstore with pefect liberty to choose any book, and to read it at my leisure. I want to be fully awake for every word I read ... what if I have missed something really important or striking or poignant because of the haze of exhaustion that has fallen over my life? Shoot.
I spent a few minutes indulging my desire to look at books, and it made me excited for the days to come. I am really glad that it seems God isn't calling me directly into graduate school, because I eagerly anticipate some relief from the constant influx of ideas that I don't have time to wrestle with. I am binging on great texts, but not maximizing on the soulful nutrition that could be gained from more time to digest.
Actually, I think that October 8th should provide a lot of the relief I am hoping for ... assuming that I pass my exit interview. Keep that in your prayers ... I need God to throw some wisdom/knowledge my way. And then maybe the smell of new books will be a present joy as opposed to a distant longing ...

I am so blessed!

This has already been a really rough but really awesome semester.

I keep having these moments where I start to think about my life, and I realize how ridiculously blessed I am. In fact, I teared up earlier today thinking about all that I have been given ... it is crazy! Here are just a few of the little things that make me survey my life in wonder ....

- I have the most amazing job in the world! I get paid to do things that I would absolutely love to be a part of anyways! For example, I am in the process of planning Baylor's first ever poverty summit .... how cool is that! We are going to get faculty, staff, students and community members to convene and talk about issues surrounding poverty! There will be creative and emotional elements to the summit as well as an academic discussion ... it is going to be so great! In the process of the planning for this, I have gotten to meet and talk with all kinds of people at Baylor and in Waco that are doing awesome things in the name of Jesus for the poor in this community! On that note, another part of my job is creating materials for the "Steppin' Out -- More than just a day" campaign to help make students aware of the needs and opportunities to serve here. How did I get so lucky to have this job!?

- I have a patient and loving thesis advisor who understands my heart for my thesis ... and cares enough to fight with me for it!

- Bethany Dillon is coming to Waco... again! I pretty much freaked out when I saw the poster ... she is my favorite artist ever and I get to see her perform again!

- I get to read "The Lord of the Rings" for a class - granted, I have to read ridiculous amounts of pages for every class period. But it is so amazing ... I feel guilty reading some

thing I love so much for class!

- God is using this season of my life to build my faith ... and it is awesome! I have prayed some silly little prayers in the past week or so, and God has been faithful in those small things. Today I prayed to hear a song on the radio, and it came on next ... and I couldn't stop s

miling all day! I get to be a part of something really big by loving Jesus, but he is concerned enough with me to give me small, sweet tokens of his love. AMAZING!

- I am going to college. Not many people get to do that ... especially without incurring debt. My parents and the Lord are the bomb!

I kind of feel like a member of the Fellowship of the Ring (I know ... I am dorky, but hang with me....) -- I am on this really rough path on a really important errand, but I have so

me sweet potion from elves that renews and enlivens me. Bam.

Hey team ... here are two good things to ponder.

(1) "Nations fall when you speak / and you have spoken over me / I am tired of giving in so easily" 

How ridiculously amazing is that? Why am I so quick to forget the power that the Lord has spoken over me? and how is it that Bethany Dillon's lyrics can always speak right to my heart?

(2) "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong".

Get it, Paul.

Matthew 6:33

I had a hard day yesterday. Actually, I am having a tough couple of weeks. Fun has fallen off my radar ... I have so much work to do, thinking about it might just give me an ulcer. So I try not to think about it. 

When I was talking to my parents last night, it hit me just how overwhelmed I feel. I literally felt like I was drowning in all the stuff I have to do. But yesterday morning, I had read a little bit in Matthew, and I had written a reminder on my arm that said "Seek first the Kingdom." That comes from Matthew 6:3, which says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." It just seemed like something useful to remember :)

And it was. I looked down at my arm last night, and remembered that when I pursue God with my whole heart, everything else that I need will be given to me. That is quite the leap of faith ... I literally don't have the time in the day to set aside for anything but school work. 

But I made that leap, took God up on his promise, and sat down and played my guitar for awhile. It's funny how, standing in the presence of God, everything else just seems unimportant. And I wrote a song. It was just what I needed. 

And Jesus helped me get up at 6 to get some work done :-)

If you think of it, keep me in your prayers. Things should slow down a little bit at the beginning of October .... I just have to survive until then :)

Haphazard Thoughts

I haven't blogged in about two weeks, so I figure I should. Turns out, I don't know that I have anything really to say. But here are some random thoughts...

- I love my bed ... and that is not an exaggeration :-) Getting into bed at night is one of my favorite parts of the day ... there is something about the fact that is is lofted and surrounded by pieces of wood to keep me from falling out that makes it feel a little bit like a nest. The most awesome nest ever. But the other night, I couldn't help but think about all the people in the world who get to the end of an exhausting day and have no bed to lay down in ... or no home at all. I am so unworthy of all the ridiculously awesome ways that God has blessed me ... I have become acutely aware of exactly how little I deserve and I am shocked that God is gracious enough to pour Himself out on me in spite of myself.
- I miss the worship we had every night in Philly. I need to start whippin' out my guitar...
- I need a whole separate income to pay for the fact that so many of my friends are getting married. I am going to (at least) 3 weddings next summer in 3 different states ... how am I supposed to pay for that? Plus wedding presents, bachelorette parties, a bridesmaids dress....shoot dang. My friends are going to make me broke ... especially because I want to be a part of all those things, because I am so excited for them!
- My roommate is a sculptress ... that makes my life incredibly lame in comparison. When I am done with my homework, I have read a book. When she is done with her homework, she has another freakin' awesome sculpture to show for it. When I graduate, I will have a transcript to show for it. When she is done, she will have a portfolio of awesome things she has formed with her bare hands. That is pretty darn cool.
- I realized that I am going to be in Thailand (or at least on the way there) for my 22nd birthday -- that makes an otherwise unexciting birthday pretty sweet.
- I peaced out on facebook for awhile ... it is all or nothing for me. And judging by the ridiculous amount of work I have to do this semester, it is going to have to be nothing.
- I read through the first 15 chapters of Acts for a class the other day, and it is an incredibly awesome book! It amazes me that all the stories I learned from Sunday school are either Old Testament or deal directly with Jesus' life. What happened to the awesomeness of God's work in the early church? People were sharing, being healed, witnessing, being martyred, experiencing joy, being convicted, expanding their boundaries, etc. My children will learn these stories too when they are little.
- Some obsessions in my life right now (most of which are food items): Babybel cheese, Odwalla Superfood smoothies, anything written by GK Chesterton (he might just be my new favorite author), debating about whether to get my lip pierced, v-neck t-shirts, wheat eggo waffles, refried beans (I know its weird, but I could eat them all day), this amazing curry chicken salad that I created the other day, and vitamin water.