Back in Waco

back to school, back to school, to prove to dad i'm not a fool ...

- adam sandler

Yesterday I had my last first day of college ... crazy, eh? I can't believe how quickly the last three years have gone, and I know that this year is going to rocket by as well. Here are some thoughts on the last week or so...

- My best friend is the bomb. Lindsay visited for close to a week ... it was great to have someone who understands me so intimately come and hang with me in the midst of refocusing for school. And she helped me decorate. And she made me laugh a lot. And she made me think a lot. And she gave me this horrible rug burn on my elbow. 

- I love how God puts people in my life exactly when I need them! My friend Matt worked for a ministry much like AIM in Houston this summer, and I have spent quite a bit of time talking to him in the last few days. It is amazing to talk with someone who understands how I feel about ministry, about Baylor and about life! And my brutal experience with transitioning last year has allowed me to offer some perspective for him as well ... it is awesome. And the most amazing part is that he is the new director for the Steppin' Out steering committe (a position I held last year) -- clearly God is rapturing students for his Kingdom and then placing them in positions of leadership. I am excited to see the Lord dream through Matt and move through Steppin' Out!

- I am pumped about my new job! I am the intern for community service, a position which has never existed before. But my boss Marianne has the most amazing dreams for ways to expand service learning at Baylor, and I get to be a part of the realization of those dreams! Get pumped!

- The Bible is awesome ... there were several times today that the Lord brought scripture to my mind, and it spoke right to my heart. Best book ever.

- When I got back to Baylor at the end of last summer, I lost stuff ALL THE TIME ... like my planner, my glasses, etc. Apparently that is a trend ... I have lost my phone twice already, an important receipt and my ipod. Lame. But it is also really sweet ... my money is an aspect of my life that doesn't reflect a commitment to the Lord, but He is calling me into financial faithfulness. He is forcing me to hold my possessions in an open hand in order to remind me that (1) they don't even really belong to me, but to Him (2) that they aren't as important as I think they are and (3) that He gives and takes away. Good lessons.

- My motto for this semester: Choose to be blessed and not stressed by circumstances. I have so much on my plate (all of it is really awesome, though), that I am choosing to surrender my attitude and allow His joy to pervade my life. 

- My classes are sweet!

• Oxford Christians --> we get to study some of the greatest Christian writers ever -- Tolkien, Lewis, Sayers, Chesterton, etc. My professor is amazing... I had him for a class my sophomore year, and I was so blessed by him! 
  
• Creative writing --> I am pretty good at cranking out an academic paper, so I am excited about a new challenge in writing and the chance to explore my creativity in a new way!
• Christian Missions --> pretty self explanatory amazingness ... plus, my professor is supposed to be great. She was the only female professor in the Religion department for a really long time, and my thesis advisor told me that I would be empowered by her. So get excited for that!
• Great Texts in Leadership --> as God calls me into more leadership, the more aware I become of how unworthy I am of any such call. I am really excited to explore a lot of classic books, and to learn more about good leadership! Plus, its always fun to hang out with the dorky great texts crowd.
• Ballet --> all those comments back in the day about how I looked like a ballerina are about to be fulfilled! Plus, John is taking it with me :)

I am excited by the ways that God is going to use me and teach me this semester! 

"Come and listen to what He has done"

Now that I am about a week removed from my summer in Philly, I feel like I have had some time to reflect on everything that happened and to bask in the blessing and working power of the Lord that I experienced. Here are some of my thoughts, though these will not even begin to describe all that God did or all that he will continue to do through my experiences.

Some of my favorite moments of the summer:
- Worshipping the with the adult team at the art museum ... we were having such a good time with the Lord that lots of other people came to join!
- When I almost set the kitchen ablaze helping Jenna cook perogies and I started an oil fire (this was only funny because we put it out in time)
- Watching one of the teams raise their hands in worship and experience the Spirit in a way they never had before
- Climbing on rooftops to watch the filming of Transformers 2
- Butchering songs in the kitchen with Sammi and Jonerik
- Connecting with an awesome little girl named Brittany at VBS and teaching her some sweet dance moves (and learning some in return)
- All the times I got to hang out with the awesome people who have devoted themselves to working in Philly
- Every moment of New Orleans
- sitting in the middle of a beautiful stream and singing my heart-song to the Lord
- Getting to spend one-on-one time with Rocky when he came to Home Depot with me
- Worshipping at the Indonesian church in south Philly ... I don’t think the smile on my face could have gotten any bigger!
- Seeing how AIM is impacting a family in our neighborhood by watching the grandpa tear up as he talked about the way his grandkids are loving Jesus
- Making ridiculous videos with Sammi
- Watching Trish handle a delicate (and ignorant) conversation with grace and authority
- Seeing the Lord transform a trashed lot into a safe and beautiful space for the community
- singing with Nick while washing dishes at the Salvation Army (we were having so much fun and blessing the staff there at the same time)
(and that's just a few...)
It was a tiring, stretching, hard summer .... but it was awesome.

So what now? The lyrics of a Hillsong song pretty much describe how I feel at this point;
"Standing here in Your presence
Thinking of the good things You have done
Waiting here patiently
Just to hear Your still small voice again"
Transitioning is really hard, but I know that God desires for me to be in Waco again for this season of my life, so I am just listening for his voice. The fact that I live 3 pretty separate lives (school, home and Philly) means that there is no one except the Lord who understands ALL of who I am. I am so thankful that the God I served this summer in Philly is at work here in Waco, and that he is ministering to my lonely heart.

I will close my thoughts on this summer with these two things:
(1) I got to spend a morning last week just sitting in Love park, watching people and gettting excited about the day when God calls me to live full time in Philly. It's looking like it will be probably 3 years before that happens, but I am just excited for the new phase of ministry that God is calling me into. I am ready to disciple students for more than a week at a time, to not have to say goodbye to the kids after 3 months and to commit myself to a more long term ministry.
(2) When a team was praying about God's will for their ministry one morning a couple weeks ago, a girl had a vision of a totally deserted Kensington Ave. She said it was God's dream for the street to look like that after he calls his children home....what a beautiful dream! That is the vision I choose to work for in Philly, knowing that God desires for all the broken to find healing in His heart.

Reflections on the Dentist

If I had to make a list of things that I hate, going to the dentist may very well be number one. There is absolutely nothing pleasant involved ... I tend to leave with a sore neck, an angry jaw, at least one numb lip and a little baggie full of stuff I don't need.
A couple weeks ago when I was in Baltimore I went to a new dentist (if I can get some applause ... it was my first trip to an adult dentist... haha), and after picking my teeth raw, I heard the dreaded word ... CAVITY. Great, I thought to myself, I have to come back and have my mouth assaulted again.
My mom drove me to the dentist today since I am rendered immobile by my lack of car here, and on the way she mentioned an interesting conversation she had with Dr. Schwartz following my last visit. He asked her how she got me to work with the poor. Wow. I had given him a description of what I was doing in Philly when I saw him the first time, and he seemed sort of taken aback. Then he told me a couple of times he had "interacted" with the poor (or seen them, rather) and then asked me some questions about statistics. My desire to serve the poor was foreign enough to him that he remembered to ask my mom about it days later.
My mom made it clear that she didn't get me to serve the poor, but that I have felt that as a call on my life. It is funny to me that God can use something as inconsequential as oral hygiene to serve as a starting point for ministry ... I know that the Lord is already using my mom to love on the receptionist, and apparently the small things I am doing for God seemed really huge to Dr. Schwartz, a Jew.
When I got home, I took my numb self upstairs and check my igoogle, which gave this as the daily Bible verse:

1 Corinthians 12:13 For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit.

Coincidence? I think not. My prayer is that Dr. Schwartz drinks in the Spirit of Jesus, who was highly concerned with those most rejected by society, and that he too will find joy in serving God by serving His people.
Here is where my crazy train of thought takes control: I was thinking about all of this when I was running this afternoon, and thinking about Jews inevitably makes me think of my brilliant professor, Dr. Ellis. Thinking about Dr. Ellis made me think of a time he quoted Gandhi, who said "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
My prayer is not to become a better Christian, but to let God mold me into the image of his Son. I know I have so much to learn, but I ache for my lifestyle to reflect Christ.

Psalm 13

I have heard before that being a project leader means two things ... (1) you hear from God in new and awesome and clear ways because he has anointed you for leadership and (2) you are hit hard by the enemy because you are in leadership. Last time I led a project, I experienced #1 in ways that I won't ever forget, but got very little of number 2. This week, however, I have experienced what it really means to be on the front lines. And, because he is such a tricky little devil (literally), Satan was really sneaky in the ways he attacked my spirit. It's just been a strange week for me ... everything has gone really well, but I have been in a weird zone all week. Yesterday especially was really hard, and I just felt like I was getting absolutely nothing from the Lord in response to all my pleadings for direction. Psalm 13 was really meaningful for me in that place...

"How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation

I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me."

At coffeehouse last night, one of the teams did a human video to the Lifehouse song "Everything" (I will post a link to a version of it below) and, just like the first time I saw it, I was moved. Just when I felt beaten down by all the things Satan was throwing my way, Jesus reminded me that only he is capable of holding back those schemes and revealing Himself to me. Worship last night was one of the most awesome times I have spent with the Lord all summer ... my day was horrible, so circumstances were not the reason I sang his praise. I worshipped Him for who He is and for the cross ... there was so much more depth in that. I got to say in all earnest that I would rather have one miserable day that I get to spend with Jesus than a thousand good days spent with the things of this world. And, just like the girl in the video, I am being sanctified in the process.

Here's the video: http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

Side note: Sammi made me laugh when I needed it the most yesterday by quoting this Dane Cook joke. Beware of some bad language ... but it's worth it :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4nsI02gnUk